A history of love<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The story of love begins not in some castles as those modern adaptations of Shakesperean epics would make us believe.
^{I can hardly contain the feeling of deceit! Such preposterousity!<\/sup><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n}

No, it is a tale far beyond the realms of maidens in beautiful dresses and knights in often not so shining armor. It is one of pair bonding, societal structures and deep looks into mammalian eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we follow the evolutionary theory of love, it evolved naturally and, as evolution does, over the course of millennia. The reasons for love to spring into existence in the first place and henceforth rattle the cages of stomachy butterflies all around are also not simply about reproduction, but as [Buss et al.] the following functions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
• displaying reproductively relevant resources ^{I like big butts I can not lie\u2026<\/em><\/sup>;<\/li>\n\n\n\n}
• providing sexual access ^{Hey, you got any more of those love-hormones<\/sup><\/em>;<\/li>\n\n\n\n}
• signaling sexual fidelity ^{You can trust me, I a lover<\/sup><\/em>;<\/li>\n\n\n\n}
• providing psychological and emotional resources ^{Hold me, hold me close and never let go<\/sup><\/em>;<\/li>\n\n\n\n}
• promoting relationship exclusivity through mate guarding ^{I too regularly growl at passing competitors<\/sup><\/em>;<\/li>\n\n\n\n}
• displaying commitment \u2013 love as a commitment device ^{Day 1536 – The emotional anker me steady in place\u2026<\/sup><\/em>;<\/li>\n\n\n\n}
• promoting actions that lead to successful reproductive outcomes ^{So sex IS in there<\/sup><\/em>;<\/li>\n\n\n\n}
• providing signals of parental investment I am knee deep invested. When is the pay out?<\/sup><\/em>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

  All good reasons that are important in all areas of the animal and human kingdoms. It begs the question if love planned from the start to become the proverbial diva of humanity or if it was surprised by its own success. Be it as it may, love is deeply ingrained into almost every aspect of our (meaning humanity’s) culture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  Even nowadays our cultural and personal views of beauty and thereby attraction shift with what is associated with physical health [Symons 1979, Sugiyama 2005].
  ^{Looks like no one investigated means for mental health in that context yet. Go, grad students, go!<\/sup><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n}

  The ancient Greeks even went so far and identified six different forms of love, which for a writer is like giving color to an artist [Lidell 2023]:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  \n
  1. Storge – the famial love of a parent towards offsprings and vice versa.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. Philia – the platonic love between friends.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  3. Eros – the far less platonic love between lovers.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  4. Philautia – the love on oneself.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  5. Xenia – the love of a stranger (think hospitality).<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  6. Agape – the love of the divine.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
     <\/div>\n\n\n\n

     Benefits of love<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

     I can tell you that I didn’t think about the evolutionary reasons for love or the different ways some people in the Aegean called it before I stuck my nose into one and another book.
     Still, my drive for love was happily steering me since my teen years. I thought it was only because of sex. And there are good reasons for it. Good, consensual sex makes us happy after all [Cheng 2015]. But I later learned that sex isn’t love, at least not the whole of it.
     And while sex can<\/strong> reduce stress, love, real good and true love, does it with the strength a thousand moons [Esch 2005], which puts it right up there next to Xanax, Valium, and who could forget Zoloft.
     ^{Disclaimer: Nosy Science does not approve the use of medication without checking in with a proper healthcare professional.<\/sup><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n}

     <\/div>\n\n\n\n

     Tips to find a partner \/ love<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

     But let’s leave the humdrum theory behind (for now) and focus on what is really important. How do we find a partner and how do we keep that partner once we have them entangled in our mutual web of love?
     ^{That is the question!<\/sup><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n}

     First off, the combination of traits someone perceives as attractive change from person to person, but there are some stables. If you are physically attractive, funny, or better yet witty, have a romantic side and a pinch of excitement with a good chunk of likability, you are in good waters [McDaniel 2005]. As in, you probably don’t need any advice and are just reading this because of the witty and humorous way it is written.
     ^{Big puppy eyes also don’t hurt.<\/sup><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n}

     But,^{There is always a but(t)<\/sup> <\/em>for those of us not blessed with the personality and figure of prince\/ss charming, there are some more tips the tomes of science hold. Confidence isn’t everything. While it can help, researchers have also found some advantages to being shy and anxious in the face of the object of one’s desire [Brumbaugh 2010].<\/p>\n\n\n\n}

     And you won’t believe, but niceness or let’s call it friendliness, is also a plus [Felmlee 1995]. Being perceived as nice is in fact one of the best predictors of securing a second date after having had a first one [McDaniel 2005]. Just don’t rely solely on the goodness you carry in your heart, it only takes you so far. Just be nice for niceness sake. Also keep in mind that when it comes to dating, like in so many other areas of life, there are deal-breakers.
     ^{Sorry John, you are just too small to enjoy this ride.<\/sup><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n}

     Those that emerged in a study by Csajb\u00f3k were [Csajb\u00f3k 2022, Csajb\u00f3k 2023]:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

     \n
     • Hostile,<\/li>\n\n\n\n
     • Unattractive or gross,<\/li>\n\n\n\n
     • Unambitious or unmotivated,<\/li>\n\n\n\n
     • Promiscuous,<\/li>\n\n\n\n
     • Apathetic,<\/li>\n\n\n\n
     • Filthy,<\/li>\n\n\n\n
     • Arrogant,<\/li>\n\n\n\n
     • Clingy,<\/li>\n\n\n\n
     • Abusive<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

       So take a bath and calm your mind with a walk, some tea or a cold shower before you approach that special someone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

       But also the grounds of established relationships can be treacherous. Traits that first appeared attractive might later have the opposite effect [Felmlee 1995]. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

       Take jealousy. Some people find it cute and a good expression of love. Some even say that it guards love and is a good indicator that relationships will survive [Mathes 1986]. But high jealousy, while first endearing can turn ugly later on and push couples apart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

       In this example, like in others it appears that while quirkiness and other interesting appearing character attributes are good to start a relationship, they can turn into so called fatal attractors that push couples apart. [Felmlee 1995].<\/p>\n\n\n\n

       <\/div>\n\n\n\n

       Outro<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

       After I finished with my study into the topic of love, leaned back and thought about how I would find a partner, if I were again in that position, I came to the following conclusion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

       \n

       Be yourself and don’t fret about it.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

       Share your excitement about the topics that interest you. Do and be the things that you enjoy and without the need to worry or expend energy, the right people will come into and stay in your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

       <\/div>\n\n\n\n

       Sources<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

       Key<\/th>	Citation<\/th><\/tr><\/thead>
       Brumbaugh 2010<\/td>	Brumbaugh, C. C., & Fraley, R. C. (2010). Adult attachment and dating strategies: How do insecure people attract mates?. Personal Relationships<\/em>, 17<\/em>(4), 599-614.<\/td><\/tr>
       Buss 2019<\/td>	Buss, D. M. (2019). The evolution of love in humans. The new psychology of love<\/em>, 1<\/em>, 42-63.<\/td><\/tr>
       Cheng 2015<\/td>	Cheng, Z., & Smyth, R. (2015). Sex and happiness. Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization<\/em>, 112<\/em>, 26-32.<\/td><\/tr>
       Csajb\u00f3k 2022<\/td>	Csajb\u00f3k, Z., & Berkics, M. (2022). Seven deadly sins of potential romantic partners: The dealbreakers of mate choice. Personality and Individual Differences<\/em>, 186<\/em>, 111334.<\/td><\/tr>
       Csajb\u00f3k 2023<\/td>	Csajb\u00f3k, Z., White, K. P., & Jonason, P. K. (2023). Six \u201cred flags\u201d in relationships: From being dangerous to gross and being apathetic to unmotivated. Personality and Individual Differences<\/em>, 204<\/em>, 112048.<\/td><\/tr>
       Esch 2005<\/td>	Esch, T., & Stefano, G. B. (2005). Love promotes health. Neuroendocrinology Letters<\/em>, 26<\/em>(3), 264-267.<\/td><\/tr>
       Felmlee 1995<\/td>	Felmlee, D. H. (1995). Fatal attractions: Affection and disaffection in intimate relationships. Journal of social and personal relationships<\/em>, 12<\/em>(2), 295-311.<\/td><\/tr>
       Lidell 2023<\/td>	“Liddell, Henry George; Scott, Robert (eds.). “\u1f00\u03b3\u03ac\u03c0\u03b7”. A Greek-English Lexicon<\/em><\/a>. Perseus. Tufts University.”<\/td><\/tr>
       Mathes 1986<\/td>	Mathes, E. W. (1986). Jealousy and romantic love: A longitudinal study. Psychological Reports<\/em>, 58<\/em>(3), 885-886.<\/td><\/tr>
       McDaniel 2005<\/td>	McDaniel, A. K. (2005). Young women’s dating behavior: Why\/why not date a nice guy?. Sex Roles<\/em>, 53<\/em>, 347-359.<\/td><\/tr>
       Sugiyama 2005<\/td>	Sugiyama, L. S. (2015). Physical attractiveness in adaptationist perspective. The handbook of evolutionary psychology<\/em>, 292-343.<\/td><\/tr>
       Symons 1979<\/td>	Symons, D. (1979). The evolution of human sexuality.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Intro Love. It is mysterious and and powerful force that can make us do crazy things. Whether it’s sending flowers, writing poems, or stalking your crush on social media.Don’t deny it, we’ve all been there. But what is love really? Like any man, woman, and in-betweener I have thought, nay ached about this question and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":179,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[18,11,14,19],"class_list":["post-173","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-love","tag-mental-health","tag-nosy-review","tag-sex"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nosy.science\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/173"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nosy.science\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nosy.science\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nosy.science\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nosy.science\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=173"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/nosy.science\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/173\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":225,"href":"https:\/\/nosy.science\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/173\/revisions\/225"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nosy.science\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/179"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nosy.science\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=173"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nosy.science\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=173"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nosy.science\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=173"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}